Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
