i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
