This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize