you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
