if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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