i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
