so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
