did you get engaged???
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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