so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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