watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
