And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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