I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
