Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
