Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
