the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
