Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
