I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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