Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
