Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
