the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize