so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
