its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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