I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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