I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
