my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize