Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
