I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize