how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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