New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
