Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
