if i can run in heels then i can drive
Non-Jews are for practice
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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