I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
