Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
