I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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