my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
