Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
