I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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