I can tuck mytits in my pants
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize