I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
