You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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