I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
