what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
