Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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