I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
