and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
