I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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