Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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