i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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