I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
