It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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