so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
