I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
