Can i not drive my cunt home
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
