just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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