i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
