I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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