he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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