The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
