i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize