you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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