I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Randomize
