4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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