she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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