i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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