I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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