What did we do last night that was yellow?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
