remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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