so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
