Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we're so committed to being not committed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
