ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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