Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
