So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
