i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
