i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
