thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
