Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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