Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He did a backflip because drugs
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