just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
