I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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