Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
