The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
