Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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