The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
