I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
