I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
