New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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