she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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