i wish starbucks made bloody marys
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
