Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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