I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My breasts were aching with rage.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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