Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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