Will you blow on my dice?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
